crypt | meme | #001 -- hardest words to say ( and i'd do anything to make you stay )

meme | #001 -- hardest words to say ( and i'd do anything to make you stay )

HARDEST THING TO SAY MEME

Sometimes the hardest things to say are also the most important. It doesn't matter how much it scares you to do so, it's finally time to be honest.

- post as your character.
- others go to RNG and roll numbers 1-22 then respond setting up a scenario.
- respond and have fun!

01. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE Unfortunately, you can't keep lying to your partner/friend/family anymore. You just don't feel the same for them anymore.
02. I WOULD KILL YOU The person who means so much to you has done something completely unforgivable and now it's time to make sure they know where they stand. You would kill them if you ever got the chance.
03. I LOVE YOU, BUT... A bittersweet love confession. You know you love this person more than anything, but you're not sure you can give them what they need.
04. I DON'T TRUST YOU No matter how you feel about this person, you really can't trust them anymore.
05. SACRIFICE You're going to sacrifice yourself, for the person you're talking with or for the good of all humanity. You want them to know the reasons and that there's no stopping you.
06. TROUBLE You're in trouble and you might not make it through. You need to let at least one person know how you feel before it's too late though.
07. CRIME CONFESSION You did something you weren't proud of and now it's time to admit it.
08. DEMONS We've all got our demons and we've all got our own personal nightmares we have to face, but this time? You can't hold it all back.
09. I'M PREGNANT... Now's not the best time for it maybe or maybe you're just nervous how your partner will react, but they need to hear it.
10. BETRAYAL You've betrayed this person and you have to tell them the truth, no more running from it
11. CHEATED You've been unfaithful and it's time to tell your lover.
12. BROKEN That's it. You've had it. You are entirely broken and tired of everything.
13. AFRAID Something has you deathly afraid and you need to talk about it.
14. HELP ME You need someone to help you, bad. You can't do it alone anymore, you've tried.
15. I'M SORRY You said something or did something horrible and now it's time to ask for forgiveness.
16. YOU WERE A MISTAKE Sorry, but whoever you're talking to was the biggest mistake of your life or maybe it was just something you did together.
17. NOT WHO I SAY I AM You're so far from who they think you are, you need to finally tell the truth.
18. LET'S RUN AWAY You want to just get out, leave everything behind and be with this one person for the rest of your life.
19. ASHAMED Either you're ashamed of something they have done or something you did, either way you need to bring it up.
20. CAN'T REMEMBER The person standing in front of you looks so happy to see you, so relieved, but how do you tell them you can't remember a thing about them?
21. HOW COULD YOU You don't understand how they could treat you like they have, do what they have done when you've done nothing but be good to them.
22. YOUR CHOICE Either choose an option from above, mix and match, or make up your own idea.

yep. totally stolen from memebells.
frolic with your subject lines and be free!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She heard the first pop off in the distance and her smile widened, not noticing Leckie's reaction the dark of the evening. But when he moved closer, she obliged him and moved even closer, letting him wrap his arm around her. She laid her head back against his chest a little, her own arm slipping around him as she looked happily as two more fireworks shot into the air, bursting with brilliant red and gold.

"So gorgeous."

Edited 2012-05-13 21:59 (UTC)

"Mm," he hummed... and they were, really they were - but they were also... unnerving. He couldn't explain it. All he knew was that every time one went up into the air, it shot tension and anticipation down his spine, but not in the way he'd expected. Excitement, yes, that made sense. But as the two next explosions lit up the world below in stark relief, all he could think was, gotta get down - gotta hide!. The thing was, he knew he was safe - but the more fireworks that blossomed in the sky, the harder it was to remember...

Because suddenly he was remembering something else - night after night of bombings, in clear detail, popping out one after the other in his mind. It was like someone had opened a floodgate, and it was all he could do not to gasp as his eyes seemed to swim with images; faces, events filled his field of view, while voices filled his ears even though everyone had fallen silent to watch the show. He could barely feel Summer leaning against him, he felt like every inch of his brain was on overload, like he was drowning and gasping for air.

She was enthralled with the lights, the colors of each new firework, each bursting into life with such beauty that it simply took her breath away. It took a moment but eventually, Summer could feel the tension in Leckie's body, she could feel the way his breathing seemed to change. She glanced up at him and saw the expression on his face, her smile fading immediately as she felt worry wash over her. "Leckie?" She turned her body towards his more, her hand reaching up touch his face, her own drawn up in an expression of concern. "Hey, are you okay?"

The touch to his face startled him - he jumped, but his eyes could only focus on Summer's in the sparking, intermittent bursts of light for just a second before she seemed washed away in everything that was trying to break loose inside of him. He felt like he had to get away - now - but where could he go? He pulled away from Summer halfheartedly, part of his body wanting to curl up on itself and hide, the other part wanting to run, and the two were enough at war with each other that he simply froze for a long moment, unable to do anything but let everything assault him like a tidal wave, arm going slack around Summer's waist. His head was filling up too fast, too much, and he never even felt his arms pull away from Summer's body, covering his head with his hands as his body finally curled up, knees to his chest as he knocked poor Summer out of the way (though at least without any intent or force at all) and tried to keep everything in. Because suddenly he felt like if he let go, it would all slide out of him, like water down a drain, and be gone again.

"Lecke, wha--" Her voice was full of confusion, her expression too as he pulled away from her then knocked her out of the way as he hastily pulled his body up into what was almost a fetal position, knocking over glass of champagne.

She jumped, almost up but more to her knees her face full of alarm, hands moving to his arms as they covered his head. It hit her then that the fireworks had to sound like explosions. And she was reminded of a few of the patients of the hospitals that were sensitive to certain sounds, it would trigger memories and that was all she could think that this was. "Robert," she said his first name in a soft but urgent voice. "It's okay, Bob. It's okay. It's just fireworks. You're safe, you're safe."

He would feel bad - terrible - later, not only for knocking her away but for ruining this special night, but right now he could barely think. The sounds were all around him, making him want to curl up tighter, to hide away from them so the Japs couldn't drop their bombs on him, because he so very clearly remembered the terror of those long nights on Guadalcanal when he was sure this would be the last thing he'd ever hear.

But something was pulling at him - not physically, but mentally. His name got his attention, if barely, and he couldn't help but try to make out those words, to find out who was calling him, talking to him through this onslaught. The voice was familiar - Summer, it was Summer, she was talking to him, she was trying to tell him something...

It was absurd, he felt anything but safe, not just from the noise outside but from the noise in his head, trying to drown out his very thoughts, He tried to nod - he wasn't willing to move an inch, couldn't get his arms to unlock or uncover his head, that was beyond his ability to control - but he tried to nod, tried to tell her he heard her, but he couldn't do anything past that, he could only lie there and let this come and try to weather it. Because hot on the heels of the memories of the war, of every awful day and night, something else was trying to break free - other Fourths of July, other fireworks displays, more names and faces and birthdays and Christmases and he couldn't help but let out a small sound, he was starting to think he might really drown and never be able to think a clear thought again.

She felt him curling up tighter, within himself and she didn't know what to do, what to say. She wanted to get help but she didn't want to leave him. And she was sure she couldn't get him up so they could just leave. And suddenly the wonder of the fireworks turned into anger at them. When would they just stop? Couldn't they stop already?

"Bob, it's me." She never had to deal with the boys who had shell shock, she wasn't allowed near them because they could be dangerous. She wasn't sure if she should try to hold him or if that would set him off. And for a moment she was a little scared of what this might make him do. Would he hurt her if she tried to touch him more? And even worse was the idea of him going into some sort of shock. God, how could she have been so selfish in wanting to bring him here? Why hadn't she thought of how fireworks would sound to him?

She reached up to comb her fingers through his hair as soothing as she could, though his hands covering his head made it difficult. "Bob, please. It's okay. You're okay." And that was all she could say, over and over, that it was okay, that he was okay, sometimes a few words of love. And the sound he made broke her heart, ripped it from her chest as she tried to pull him to her gently. She didn't know if people around them were noticing though they were in a secluded spot so maybe not. "It's okay. You're okay."

Please be okay.

She was really doing the best thing for him, holding him without grabbing, speaking softly, just letting him know he was okay. He wasn't in the kind of shock that would make him violent, he just... didn't know what was going on, didn't know what to do, almost paralyzed by the onslaught of memories that kept piling up in his head, a whole lifetime of them, things he knew he had known that had somehow been lost and were now all clamoring for attention at the same time.

But it wasn't Summer's fault, and he would tell her that a million times when this was over. He hadn't thought about the sound of the fireworks either, he had been looking forward to seeing them just as much. No one could have known what would happen, and in the end, it would have been a good thing. But right now he just felt overwhelmed, lost, and with the explosions still going on overhead, he felt terrified, too. But Summer was still there, still touching him, and for a moment he was scared for her, too - what if she was killed by a bomb? What if she was gone forever and he had to do this alone? - and without thinking one of his hands tried to find hers, tried to grab it, holding tightly as it maybe that would help, even if it didn't make much sense.

Fear gripped her and she started praying that the fireworks would just stop, that someone, anyone would notice and make them just stop for his sake. She never wanted to hear another popping sound again at this point. Her stomach twisted with nerves as he didn't seem to get better, the sounds and lights still firing overhead.

Just as she felt tears brimming, on the verge of falling, he grabbed her hand, holding it tightly. She moved closer to him, that one act proving to her that he knew she was there, that he needed her and wasn't going to hurt her. She gripped his hand back, tightly, pressing her lips to his head, whispering soft assurances loud enough that he could hear. "Promise. I promise you'll be okay. I'm here, I'm here. I'll always be here."

He felt her grab his hand back, that simple motion comforting even given that his mind was such a jumble he could barely think through it. He realized his lungs were burning - he didn't know the last time his body had unlocked enough to take a breath - and tried to get some air, gasping for breath a little as his heart pounded in his ears, loud, but not loud enough to drown out the sounds - or the soothing whispers of Summer's voice, telling him he was okay, that she would be there, telling him exactly what he needed to hear. His eyes were squeezed shut so tightly they almost prickled with tears at the pain, but he nodded again, it was all he could do - nod and try to breathe and try to keep swimming upstream against the current of memories in his head.

And finally - finally - after a small eternity, the flood of memories, images, and sounds finally seemed to be starting to slow, even if the bombs - no, fireworks, he tried to tell himself, but he still couldn't quite believe it - were still going off. His body was still locked up, curled up against Summer's, but he could feel it more - the present was starting to overshadow the past, just a little, hard through it was with all the noise overhead. He tried to blink his eyes open, but another explosion overhead made him shut them tightly; but he was trying to respond, trying to fight his way back to the present, squeezing Summer's hand again, trying to take deeper breaths, more even breaths, trying once or twice to gasp her name.

She could feel his struggle to come back to himself, she felt the way he was shaking, fighting, his breathing labored. And all she wanted to do was make it better. She kept on whispering to him, telling him that he was okay, they were okay, they were safe. She was holding him close, her hand in his, her other arm wrapped tightly around him, though she wasn't long enough to embrace him completely like this.

Her mouth pressed his temple gently just as the finale started and she heard him gasp her name. The fireworks shot off in a fury of light, burst and burst, no break in between, fifty something fireworks going off all at once. And she moved to her knees, trying to draw him to her gently, to keep him close because this had to be the scariest part. "Just fireworks. I'm here."

Just fireworks. He tried to tell himself that, but she was right - just when he'd started to regain control of his mind, of his surroundings, the finale sent off a frenzy of light and sound and he simply couldn't deal with it, not with the way his mind was telling him it was bomb after bomb falling closer and closer. His hand clutched hers harder as he tried to bury himself against her - later he'd probably be ashamed of his behavior, but right now he could barely control what he was doing, there was no way to stop. It felt like all he could hear was the explosions, but he could sometimes hear Summer, whispering that she was here, and he tried to hold onto that, to make her voice matter more than the other sounds, but it was hard.

And then it was over - it ended all at once, the last firework exploding to applause echoing through the park, and it was like someone had switched off something in his head because the silence that followed seemed to echo in his mind as well, leaving him a shaking, gasping wreck as he blinked open eyes that were wide, disbelieving as he tried to make the scene in front of him actually match up with what was going on inside his head. "Su-Summer -?" God, it felt like someone had driven a tank through his brain, he was thinking too fast and trying to make sense of things through molasses all at once.

By the end of it, by the end of something that used to thrill and delight her like nothing else, a few tears had slipped down her face, her hand felt numb as he grasped it tightly. And all she could do was shush him gently, rocking him as the last firework popped off and the applause came. She'd never cheer for fireworks again.

He came back to her a moment later, his eyes opening as he said her name, her own eyes opening as she moved so he could see her face. "I'm right here. You're okay. It's over now." She was thankful that he wouldn't be able to see the tears that had fallen before, she wanted to be strong for him now. "You're fine. It's over." Her hand reached out to touch his hair, other hand still squeezed tightly in his.

His head was still far too full, it felt, when in reality it was just that for the past few months - over a year, really - it simply hadn't been full enough. Now that it was quieter, everything was trying to settle... but he was still confused. "I can't - there's so much." He tried to take a breath, closing his eyes again, feeling like he just couldn't deal with the information his eyes were giving him right now. One thing at a time. Once his heart stopped pounding, once his head was quieter... maybe that would help.

But the first thing he realized, when things started to make sense (or at least tried to), was that he'd ruined everything. When he realized they were in the park, not on some hot jungle-covered island, he realized they'd been on a date, not the front lines... and he'd ruined it. He didn't even know what happened, but he'd ruined something he'd wanted to be special, and the look on her face only confirmed it. "Sorry - sorry, sorry," he tried to tell her, even though she was soothing him, he wanted things to be the other way around. He wanted to be the one to hold her, he'd never wanted her to have to do it, to have to sit there and take care of him and he would have tried to sit up himself but he simply couldn't stop shaking. "I didn't mean - I don't know what happened. I don't know -"

Summer didn't know what he meant, what he was talking about or what happened to him. She still thought it was all about the fireworks. She shushed him when started to apologize, her hand stroking his hair gently as she tried to look at him. "Hey, hey, stop. It's okay. I think... you were having a flashback. The sounds and the lights. It was too much." She exhaled shakily, pressing her forehead to his temple as she felt him tremble against her. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think about it." And she felt so selfish for dragging him here. "But we're okay now. You're okay. Just relax, take a moment and just breathe. In and out."

He didn't want her to feel bad - she apologized and for a second he was baffled, before he tried to tell her, "No - not your fault, it's not your fault." Absolutely none of this was her fault, she wanted to see fireworks with her boyfriend and what was wrong with that? He'd wanted the same, to take his girl out for a special night... and look at what had happened. Because... a flashback? It made sense, as much as anything did, but... it was more than that. A lot more than that, it had to be, his head was so crammed full of everything that he didn't even know how to articulate it.

So he didn't try, not yet; instead he tried to do what she said, breathing in and out, trying to think about only that. And it was working, he could feel his heart slowing down, bit by bit, his head spinning a little less, though he closed his eyes again and tried to relax faster. He was starting to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't want anyone to see her with him like this, and people would be getting up soon - it might already be too late. He tried to start pushing himself up into a sitting position, realizing he was still gripping her hand so tightly he had to be hurting her. "Oh, I - I'm sorry, why didn't you say something, Summer - " He let her hand go, frowning, feeling awful. "Did I hurt you?"

Summer didn't know how his head felt or what was going on inside of it. She was just going by what she'd experienced working at the hospital, what she knew.

He seemed to be calming down, she heard his breathing slow some as he took the breaths he needed, her hand starting to seriously go numb in his until he let go. "Oh, no. It's okay." She flexed her fingers, the color returning to them after a moment as she shook her head with a bit of a smile. "I'm fine. I wanted to do whatever I could to make you feel better."

Honestly, he barely knew what was going on inside of his head, himself - but he knew this was more than just a flashback, it had to be. Or, if it was, it was the most major sort of flashback anyone could have.

But first, he was most concerned with her - and with how her hand looked as soon as he let go. He frowned, feeling terrible, but she was smiling at him, and for a moment, all he could think was, How are you so absolutely perfect? She didn't look like she cared at all - she was clearly concerned about him, but beyond that... He tried to look at her, to make sure she really was all right, like she said, but she looked okay, and he visibly relaxed just a little further - before he asked, quietly, "Can we... stay here?" He didn't want to get up now, he didn't want to have to walk out of the park with all the other couples and families and pretend everything was just... fine. He knew she probably wanted to get out of here but he honestly wasn't sure he had the mental strength, right now, to put up a good face in public. "I need... I need a couple of minutes." He was ashamed to admit it, but there it was.

Oh, she cared, her hand was throbbing still, the color returning slowly from the increased pressure but she cared more about him. She was concerned for him, her eyes on him at all times even as he looked as though he was relaxing a little more. Of course, when he asked if they could stay, when he said he needed time, she couldn't deny him. "Yeah, of course." She didn't want to be there, no, a part of her wanted to curl up into a ball and cry herself. But a bigger part wanted to take care of him. She leaned over to reach for his coke to offer to him, because it might help him feel a little better, to get some sugar in his system. "Here, drink some of this." Her other hand, which felt much better reached up to stroke his hair some more. "It'll make you feel better."

If taking care of him was her goal, she was doing a wonderful job of it - better than he felt like he deserved, because every time he closed his eyes... he could suddenly see things she'd done for him in the past, remember the way her face had looked when he'd told her he was leaving to be a Marine, to go fight a war that might mean he'd never come home again. And he didn't need whatever was going on inside his head to remember how she'd looked the instant he'd told her he didn't remember her, when she had thrown herself into his arms and kissed him happily and he'd had no idea who she was or what she'd meant to him.

But right now, she was pushing his bottle of coke gently into his hand, touching his hair, still trying to soothe him. And he could only nod, the effort of getting the bottle to his lips a lot greater than it should have been, but he took a drink, feeling like a little boy home sick from school whose mother was trying to get him to feel better. But he wasn't a little kid, home sick from school - he was a Marine, or had been, and he wanted to shut himself away with shame over how he'd acted, how he was making Summer suffer even now. And now that he could remember everything, hazy though it was... he felt even worse.

But he had to tell her. He had to tell her something. He took another halfhearted sip or two, eyes closed because her fingers really did feel good, but eventually he managed to say, "I think - I mean... something happened. Something bigger than a flashback." He cracked his eyes open, looking at her, not sure how she was going to take this - he wasn't sure how he was taking this. It felt so big, he didn't know how to handle it. "I mean, it was, but it was... everything. It's all trying to - I mean, it's all there, it's all... right here." His free hand went to his head, which really was starting to throb again, somehow mental overload becoming physical, giving him a hell of a headache. "Everything."

She didn't want to humble him further by actually tipping the bottle for him when he seemed to have trouble doing even that. No, she let him do it on his own time, watching him carefully, trying to figure out how to help him more. She wasn't suffering, not like he was, it just hurt to see him hurting.

And when his eyes opened to look at her, she offered a bit of a smile, an understanding one. Though it faded as he kept speaking, a look of confusion on her face. "I don't... What do you mean?" She wasn't sure what he meant or what he was talking about at all. "Leckie... We're both safe." She wasn't sure if he meant all of the danger was right there but it was just fireworks.

It definitely helped, that she let him drink it on his own, he already felt awful that he'd put her through... whatever this was, now, and for everything else, too, now that suddenly -

But she didn't understand - of course she didn't, he hadn't been very clear. It was hard, when he wasn't sure what had happened, himself, but he nodded when she said they were safe. He took another slow drink, trying to pull his teeming thoughts together into something clear enough so as to make sense. "I know - I know, we are, but... I mean, I know I thought we weren't, and it was awful, and I'm sorry." He wasn't sure he could ever tell her just how ashamed he was, just how sorry. "But even though it was awful - I mean, it knocked something - everything - losse. Summer, I remember my whole life, it's right here, it's... I feel like it's going to start pouring out my ears, but I remember it all. I remember you - " and saying that, he couldn't help but move to take her hand again - gently, so very gently, because if he'd actually hurt her, he'd never forgive himself. "And I'm sorry - God, I'm so sorry..."

Edited 2012-05-14 20:26 (UTC)

He'd been rambling and for a moment, she was scared that he'd completely lost it. But once he took another slow drink, seeming to compose himself a little, she shook her head at his apology. "It's okay, it's okay." Honestly, it was. She wasn't upset with him, she was just worried. But as he continued, she just blinked, the air leaving her lungs for a moment just as though someone knocked it from her body. "What--" she managed to barely get out in a breath. What did that mean? He remembered? Like actually remembered? Everything? She let him take her hand without any sort of of reaction as thoughts raced through her head. "What?" She shook her head at his apology once more, her eyes closing tightly for a second before she looked at him. "You remember what? Like... from before? Everything?" She was trying so hard not to get her hopes up, not to let herself believe that it was suddenly all fixed like she'd prayed and prayed for it to be.

He couldn't blame her, he hadn't been making much sense, though it was admittedly hard to make sense of something you didn't understand, yourself. He was still feeling beyond shaken - part of him wanted to tear his stifling uniform off and curl up in bed and just... sleep until things made sense again. But he didn't have that luxury, he was still in the park with Summer and he still wanted her to understand. He wasn't sure if her reaction was a good one or a bad one, and suddenly he was terrified that this would hurt things more than help them. But it was the truth, when he nodded weakly and said, "Everything. I mean - I think everything, it's... it's a lot. But I remember you and I remember... I remember being ten, and twenty, and I remember when you were ten..." He had to laugh a little, because some of those memories... oh, they were good, they were something he couldn't have known he'd missed until he had them back. "I remember leaving and I remember your face when I did, and I remember thinking I'd win the whole damn war myself in a month if I could get back that much sooner." Which, clearly, hadn't worked.

She could scarcely breathe as he explained, as he spoke about things that she didn't want to think about these months he'd been home. She'd tried to forget the past, to move on to the future with him. But as he said he remembered, everything, just like that, she couldn't help but look shocked for a moment. But then she let out a breath and just smiled, tears slipping down her face as she moved to hug him, unthinking of how that might make him feel but...

Oh, he remembered. Oh, her greatest fear was gone and here he was saying he could remember everything. And while he'd said he loved her just moments before, moments when he didn't remember anything, it felt so much better to know that he loved her both ways, that he wouldn't have to grapple with the sadness and frustration of a past lost. "Oh, Leckie. I love you no matter what."

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