meme | #002 -- absolute obedience ( do you do you want to )
the ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE MEME 1. Post with your character. 2. That character is compelled to follow the orders of anyone who replies. 3. Any orders. 4. Any orders. Meme Strategy: There's nothing in the rules about whether or not your character knows s/he must obey - as well, the other character might not know that s/he must be obeyed. Play it however you like. Don't like the orders you got? Not willing to have your character follow them, even if you've had a good time up to this point? Talk to the other player, use OOC notes or PMs, try and work it out. Got some stuff you'd never want to play out? Consider making a preferences post and linking to it when you reply here. Wanna give orders that people would love to follow? Give em context. Make it a story. Is this about revenge? Working out some personal issues? Too dumb to realize that the other guy has to do whatever your guy says? |
meme from memebells@lj.
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[He sighed and leaned back, throwing his arm over the back of the couch.]
I mean, it's like one big, cosmic skeeball game. Remind me to make you watch Dogma. We keep running around chasing our tails and fucking up, and God just keeps hot-gluing us back together and sticking us back where we belong. Can't tell whether or not this is a test, but if it is, we're probably about two points shy of failing.
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[Castiel sounds like he's trying to convince himself just as much - or maybe more - than Dean.]
I asked Him, before I did it. I asked Him if it was the right thing to do. He had no answer for me, not in the wind, or in the snow....Should I have taken His silence as a no?
[He lifts his head and stares off into the distance.]
What does He want, Dean? That's all I'd like to know.
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Yeah, maybe. [It wasn't that he didn't sound confident, it wasn't that he didn't believe the idea, he just... he just didn't know. He glanced down at his lap, closed his eyes for a long second. Damn, these theological questions were hard. Trying to guess the motive of God?]
Maybe...
[A beat, as he tried to figure out how to phrase it.]
Hell, maybe we're just not giving him enough god damn credit? I mean, I'm starting to think, after all of this... people just keep putting words in his mouth. Your douchebag brothers saying he doesn't care, people fighting wars based on [Air quotes] "What he wants". Maybe he just wants us to stop acting like a bunch of god damn kids that need to be told how to behave all day. Jesus Christ, I mean, we know the difference between right and wrong. Maybe he's just... giving us a chance to do the right thing without breathing down our necks about it. You can't tell a teenager not to smoke pot, you just gotta sit back and trust them to make the right choice, and hope they learn from their mistakes when they make the wrong one.
[A beat.]
Or maybe he's taking a vacay in the bahamas.
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[The anger takes the angel by surprise, and he is quiet for several moments while he gathers his thoughts back together. Angels don't get angry. It's unbecoming.]
I did what I thought was right. What I needed to do. And I did what I had to do, in the end, but with so many unexpected consequences...Sam, and me, again, and those creatures....I was wrong. I should have been punished. Instead I'm here again, good as new, thinking about the mistake, about how I should have listened - to you, and Rachel, and Balthazar, and instead I went through them. Is this my punishment, Dean? This guilt, eating at me?
[He turns back to Dean, effectively a tightly bundled psychological mess.]
You taught me that when you need to do something - you have to ignore how impossible it seems, how insane and irrational, and your detractors, and--
[He drops off abruptly, staring at his own lap, and sighs. Then he runs a hand through his hair and looks away again.]
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Cas... [He sounds tired.] You're like... a billion years old, but there's still an assload for you to learn, man. You can't just... come up with excuses to make wrong look right. That's not how it works. The hardest part about making a decision isn't making the wrong one, either, it's learning to admit you're wrong. Even to yourself. Especially to yourself. When you start hurting the people you care about, I don't care what two ways you look at it, it's wrong.
[He hesitates, then lowers his arm to put his hand on Castiel's shoulder. It's meant to be reassuring. He's never been good at that, but it's worth a shot.]
Look, I've made my fair share of mistakes- and hell yes you're supposed to feel guilty. Hell yes, it's supposed to eat you up inside. That's how you learn. That's how you know whether or not you're a good person- feeling like shit about the mistakes you've made. It's what separates us from demons.
[He turned his eyes away, staring at the wall for a second.]
The bottom line is, you have to ask yourself... 'Would the people I care about be proud of me for what I'm doing'? If the answer's no, well, that's a big indicator.
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You were happy, and peaceful, and... retired. You'd sacrificed so much for this cause... I couldn't ask you for more.
[He meets eyes with Dean and looks away again. For an angel, Castiel sure has an exciting lap.]
No wonder you drink so much.
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Ah, yeah, well. You can't exactly retire from something that's gonna follow you around for the rest of your life. [His voice is light and even, trying and failing to suggest he's over the whole thing.] What can I say? I guess I'm just not the retiring kind.
[That eye-contact avoidance is a real change from the intense stares he used to get. He's not sure which option he prefers. Either way, he quirks his lips into half a grin.]
Something like that, anyway.
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Dean...
[Then, a rush of wingbeats, and he's gone.]