crypt | meme | #001 -- hardest words to say ( and i'd do anything to make you stay )

meme | #001 -- hardest words to say ( and i'd do anything to make you stay )

HARDEST THING TO SAY MEME

Sometimes the hardest things to say are also the most important. It doesn't matter how much it scares you to do so, it's finally time to be honest.

- post as your character.
- others go to RNG and roll numbers 1-22 then respond setting up a scenario.
- respond and have fun!

01. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE Unfortunately, you can't keep lying to your partner/friend/family anymore. You just don't feel the same for them anymore.
02. I WOULD KILL YOU The person who means so much to you has done something completely unforgivable and now it's time to make sure they know where they stand. You would kill them if you ever got the chance.
03. I LOVE YOU, BUT... A bittersweet love confession. You know you love this person more than anything, but you're not sure you can give them what they need.
04. I DON'T TRUST YOU No matter how you feel about this person, you really can't trust them anymore.
05. SACRIFICE You're going to sacrifice yourself, for the person you're talking with or for the good of all humanity. You want them to know the reasons and that there's no stopping you.
06. TROUBLE You're in trouble and you might not make it through. You need to let at least one person know how you feel before it's too late though.
07. CRIME CONFESSION You did something you weren't proud of and now it's time to admit it.
08. DEMONS We've all got our demons and we've all got our own personal nightmares we have to face, but this time? You can't hold it all back.
09. I'M PREGNANT... Now's not the best time for it maybe or maybe you're just nervous how your partner will react, but they need to hear it.
10. BETRAYAL You've betrayed this person and you have to tell them the truth, no more running from it
11. CHEATED You've been unfaithful and it's time to tell your lover.
12. BROKEN That's it. You've had it. You are entirely broken and tired of everything.
13. AFRAID Something has you deathly afraid and you need to talk about it.
14. HELP ME You need someone to help you, bad. You can't do it alone anymore, you've tried.
15. I'M SORRY You said something or did something horrible and now it's time to ask for forgiveness.
16. YOU WERE A MISTAKE Sorry, but whoever you're talking to was the biggest mistake of your life or maybe it was just something you did together.
17. NOT WHO I SAY I AM You're so far from who they think you are, you need to finally tell the truth.
18. LET'S RUN AWAY You want to just get out, leave everything behind and be with this one person for the rest of your life.
19. ASHAMED Either you're ashamed of something they have done or something you did, either way you need to bring it up.
20. CAN'T REMEMBER The person standing in front of you looks so happy to see you, so relieved, but how do you tell them you can't remember a thing about them?
21. HOW COULD YOU You don't understand how they could treat you like they have, do what they have done when you've done nothing but be good to them.
22. YOUR CHOICE Either choose an option from above, mix and match, or make up your own idea.

yep. totally stolen from memebells.
frolic with your subject lines and be free!

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[There's no way to repeat this truth delicately, but Mami does so with all the kindness she can manage.]

I'm already dead. All that will happen....is no more delays. [A moment of silence, and then her tone lightens.] You know, I learned to be happy here. If I could, I'd choose to keep living....with you. [Her cheeks burn, a red so bright as if in defiance of what's to come - the erasing of her, the end of it all.]

But if you're not happy.... [And she finally touches Utena now, a hug that offers the warm crook of her neck where a pulse still beats, if just for now.] I can't selfishly keep you here for my sake, if I can help you instead.

[Utena burrows her face against Mami's neck, sniffles, and at last begins to cry - it's an anguished, sorrowful sound. Broken sobs interspersed with pleading she knows by now is fruitless:] But you d-don't deserve to die! I-I can be happy with you, I am happy, so please...please...I just want...

[Eternity. What is eternity? Ages upon ages. Years upon years. Eons upon eons. What was the point of living in a world where everyone died? What was the point?

Living in this world, it just made her sick. She'd wanted to stay static, to never change. The Gardens was this way too - static and neverending. She could pretend to be happy here, if she tried. If she tried. But Eternity is not happiness, she knows. She remembers now what she saw, and allowing that to continue to stay in this coffin, in any coffin...

(Who is that? she'd asked her prince. The girl in red was in front of them, a million silver shards piercing her body. Every slight, twisting movement brought a new facet of agony to her young face.

She's a Witch, he answered.)

That was what Eternity was - not this, this comfortable coffin, but millenniums of suffering. Neverending, never-changing. An empty movement. The weight of the world's hatred on that girl's shoulders for an eternity. And Utena had promised to become a prince for that girl, to save her. To release her from eternity, no matter what it took.

Mami too, is making this promise, is becoming a prince in her own right. She is rejecting eternity, this comfortable, static world, her coffin. For Utena's sake. To deny her that opportunity would be cruel.

Eventually, the crying tapers off into softer noises - hiccups and sniffles. Her grip loosens a fraction, but she doesn't let go. It's hard to talk - her throat is raw, voice hoarse with sobs - but she manages.]

I want...I want you to know that I love you. I'm sorry...so sorry...

[She's silent as Utena cries and pleads. She's still as she's clung to, accepting the burdensome anguish as though it were her own.

Mami doesn't know Anthy's fate. All the girl means to her is some confusing, twisted fragment of a dream that wasn't her own; blank eyes and empty smile, innocuous words that were like a fist in Mami's gut all the same. The way she had made the Soul Gem glow like only a Witch could - calling to mind, irrevocably, of the creatures of despair and hatred that used to be children trying to be heroes. Reminding Mami of her own death and the fate that would have awaited her should she have escaped it, feeding that kneejerk reaction of fear and disgust and guilt. Utena has mentioned Anthy in offhand comments, snippets of description that hint at someone beyond the figment.....yet it's that unsettling first impression that managed to stick, mixing with her own repressed jealousy over the dim realization that Anthy will always, always come first. The knowledge that Utena yearns to return to Ohtori for her sake, the Witch's sake- a thought as unfair and hypocritical as it was stubborn.

And Mami knew it. Anthy was the Rose Bride - not treated as a person with a voice and will of her own, but fought over as a possession. A surely miserable existence, nothing to envy. If Mami had seen what Utena had, the girl dressed in scarlet and pierced through with thousands upon thousands of shards....what Mami already chose now, here, wouldn't be for Utena's sake alone.]

I love you, too. That's why I can do this, why I want to.

[She pulls back just enough for their gazes to meet, for Mami to reach up with one soft hand and brush away the tear trails with an impossible gentleness. Her smile hasn't wavered, hasn't dimmed.]

I'm sorry for making you cry, but.....don't be sorry for your devotion to your ideals, to the promises you make. It's one of the things I like about you.

Edited 2011-12-26 01:58 (UTC)

[The gentle touch only succeeds in making more tears form. Utena grasps Mami's hands almost desperately (Warm, she thinks, in a moment of anxious panic. Her hands are still warm.). She's trembling - stripped of her bravery and cheer, she's little more than a child now, the little girl left behind when her parents died, who climbed into a coffin and waited to die herself.]

Mami...you don't have to do this for me. [Her voice cracks again; she wipes clumsily at her eyes with the back of her sleeve.] There has to be another way...we can find it together.

[It's said in a small voice. She fishes for the usual warmth and cheer found so often in her voice, and the feeling slips through her fingers like water.] If you just...if we had a little more time, I know we could.

[A giddy joy manages to touch Mami beneath the resignation enveloping her. She can't help it - she's longed for months, as she would have longed for years, to have her hands held like this and to hear Utena say things like I love you and We can find it together. Words just for her, just for Mami, and no one else. As heartwrenching as it is that this moment is doomed to be short-lived, Mami has finally learned how to draw comfort and happiness from such fragile things all the same.]

I wish that was true, Utena, I-

[She stops, then, at a sharp twinge in her heart. Her expression goes completely blank for a minute, the gold eyes wide and unseeing; a jolt, a shudder - a warning. There isn't much time. Then Mami recovers and gives a soft sigh as she shakes her head.]

I'm afraid that there isn't any other way, even if we had years to spend searching....and we don't. So...I wanted to ask you just one, last thing.

[At that slight shudder, that sudden and unnerving blankness in Mami’s eyes, Utena goes as white as paper. She grips Mami’s shoulders tightly and pulls her close in a desperate, needy embrace. Her heart hammers against her chest, matching the pulse of blood in her ears. She will hold onto Mami until the end, until the light dies in her eyes and she takes her final breath.

Utena shudders too, as if she’s caught a chill, and her voice is still small and weak when she speaks again. The fight has left her, at least for now.] What is it?

[Despite the sudden and unsettling reminder of her dwindling time, Mami is a warm and pliable weight in Utena's arms. Funny, that only at the very end does she finally get a taste of what she's always wanted....but that's okay. She'll accept that, and gladly.]

....would you kiss me, please?

[A pause. Mami presses a little closer against Utena's shirt.]

Maybe it's selfish of me to ask for that. [She admits it softly, yet without guilt; Mami doesn't have time to feel guilt anymore, or shame, or self-hatred. She doesn't want her last moments to be weighed down and tainted by the pain that’s dogged her heels since she lost her parents.] Still, it's what I want.

[She colors prettily, and adds in a murmur:] I've wanted it for awhile now, to be honest.

A kiss...

[It seems like such a small request to Utena, in the wake of the sacrifice Mami has made, but it occurs to her, for the first time...that perhaps this request is not as small as she believed. If Mami had wanted this for a while, had wished and hoped for it, than Utena would gladly give her this. She would have given her anything she wanted.]

It isn’t selfish. [And she gently places a finger under Mami’s chin, to tilt her head up.] I... [And here her blush betrays her calm.] I’ve wanted it for a while too.
[Her fingers curl under Mami’s chin, she tilts her head and her eyes flutter closed. At last, she presses her mouth to Mami’s own.]

[A murmur of quiet happiness when their mouths meet for a long, gentle kiss; another when they break apart, Mami's lips abuzz with heat. Her blush darkens, but she seems pleased all the same.]

Wow...

[As if realizing how silly she must look, must sound, Mami ducks her head to nestle against the warm crook of Utena's neck with a shy, almost sheepish smile. It's a sweet, innocent gesture - and woefully out of place in this situation of heavy prices and dwindling time. Yet it's still a gesture Mami is willing to maintain, is content to indulge in as the moments tick by.

Even as, all too soon, she begins to grow cold and ethereal in Utena's arms - her color and warmth fading like a rose in wintertime.]

[Utena tries to smile - she does - but it's a weak, fragile expression, and soon enough it falls apart. She wants to be happy, for Mami's sake, but all she can think of is that she's dying. She'll die here in her arms. She'll never laugh again...no more of her gentle, secretive smiles over the rim of a teacup, no more of the careful and elegant grace Utena so often observed in her movements. Not even her voice, the rich cadence and tone of it.

But at least, the thought comes unbidden, she won't be alone this time.

Utena bites down so hard on her lip that she draws blood, forces herself not to cry again.]

Mami? [She's gone so still that it makes a cold trickle of fear run down the length of Utena's spine.] Does it...does it hurt?

[It's an almost curious thing, dying like this: withering, slipping away. Mami's senses are taking leave of her, one by one, or at least seem to. Utena's voice comes to her as if from far away, and Mami no longer feels the weight, the warmth and pressure of Utena's arms around her. She can't feel how cold she's become, either - Mami simply doesn't feel anything anymore. Not on the physical level, not as her mortal coil is slowly peeled away. She sucks in the air to take a breath....and realizes that she no longer needs to. That, as well, she's become utterly weightless. It's a merciful epiphany, one that Mami's grateful for: there won't be any pain this time. There will be no rush of dashed hope and sharp, clownish teeth snapping shut around her neck. There won't be a brief flash of agony or the bilious taste of fear on her tongue.]

No. [Mami pulls away just enough to lift up her hands, to study how the skin of her fingers has turned clear and see-through, and repeats:] No, it...it doesn't hurt at all.

[There's a soft gladness in her voice when she says that, even as the fierce gold of her eyes is no more. They're silver now, the corners crinkling as she smiles. The yellow in her hair follows suit, fading from the roots to the tips. It's a translucence that's spreading, bleeding through, until all of Mami is colorless and ghostlike.]

Good. [Utena says this softly, almost too low to be heard. Her voice breaks, but she doesn't even seem to register that she's crying again, doesn't feel the heat of tears streaming down her cheeks. All she's aware of is the way Mami looks now, the way she seems to be fading, that she's no longer a weight in her arms.] I-I'm glad it doesn't hurt.

[She swallows hard and bites down on her bottom lip.] Mami...I...I don't know how I'll do it yet, but I want to meet you again. I will...I promise. I'll never forget you. So you can...you can rest now.

[In another world, or another life, perhaps. But when Utena Tenjou made a promise, she intended to keep it.

She would forget, in bits and pieces, because that was the way of childhood loves and dreams. But perhaps not in the sense one would think. People forgot the faces behind the sacrifices made for them, but they don't forget the sacrifices themselves. Her memory would fade when she returned to Ohtori to make her last sacrifice, become as fragile and dull as an old photograph. And then she too, would be forgotten. But her sacrifice, and Mami's, and all the sacrifices of all the martyrs and warriors, and even princes, those would be remembered as a heavy weight in the souls of those left behind.]

....thank you.

[For all that Mami is no longer solid, no longer warm or completely real, there's still life in her voice. A certain fullness that belongs only to the breathing....if just for now, like a thin thread on the verge of breaking. Mami reaches out with fingers that are fading fast into nothingness and touches Utena's cheek as if to brush the tears away. There's no pressure, of course, no sign that any contact has actually been made. It's too late for that. But Mami makes the small, kind gesture anyway.]

I want...I want to meet you again too somehow, someday.

[Still smiling, her eyes begin to close. The world is growing quiet; Mami's time is almost done.]

Mm, resting sounds like a good idea. Maybe it's strange, but I feel tired. [and now that fraying thread has snapped; her voice is hollow, empty, will never be anything else again.] I've been tired for a long time, but.....I'm happy, now.

[Her pale and ghostly body, now more outline than substance, gives a shudder - relaxes as though she's letting out a breath. She doesn't take another, doesn't open her eyes, merely continues to dim until there is nothing left of the girl once called Mami Tomoe. Until there's only Utena and the silence of an empty apartment.

Until there's only the memory of Mami and the smile she always wore, even in her last moments.]

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meme | #001 -- hardest words to say ( and i'd do anything to make you stay )

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